Confessions of a shopaholic : Target version

It’s never been $1,000 boots, but it has been 10 $100 boots.

I know what you’re thinking. Everyone shops. Everyone spends. It’s not a big deal.

Oh, but it is.

It’s hard to believe, but Girl Math has ruined my life.

The last year has been a slow, painful realization that my version of high-end couture isn’t an Hermès scarf or a Prada bag—it’s three pairs of shoes that were “such a good deal” and a jacket I’ll never wear because, let’s be honest, I live in a climate where coats are just accessories for most of the year. I

My obsessive need to align every corner of my life with my Pinterest feed has quietly, yet undeniably, wrecked my financial security over the past two years.

And where does this spiral lead back to? Girl Math.

So, let’s talk about it. You know, the sacred, unspoken calculation system that justifies everything from overpriced lattes to entire shopping hauls. The kind of logic that makes returning a $50 item feel like you just earned $50—as though you’ve tricked the universe into giving you free money, even though we both know that’s not how math (or life) works.

Let’s call it what it is: financial delusion.

Sure, it’s wrapped in pastel humor and harmless TikTok trends, but Girl Math is anything but harmless. Romanticizing bad spending habits and slapping a “quirky” label on them doesn’t make it okay. If anything, it’s a shiny marketing tactic, perfectly designed to make us laugh while we empty our bank accounts.

Because here’s the truth: Girl Math is capitalism’s best friend. It’s a sneaky little enabler, tricking you into spending money you don’t have on things you don’t need, all while convincing yourself you’re being clever. Newsflash: you’re not outsmarting the system; you’re feeding it.

Girl Math is the devil on your shoulder, whispering, “You deserve this,” while conveniently forgetting to mention the crushing regret when the package arrives, and you can’t even remember why you wanted it in the first place.

It’s not just about the little indulgences—it’s the mindset. It’s rounding down a $78 purchase to $70, so it feels cheaper. It’s convincing yourself that sales mean savings, even when you didn’t need the item in the first place. It’s the twisted logic that says credit card purchases don’t count because “future me will deal with it.” Spoiler alert: future you is not thrilled. Future you is staring at a statement balance and crying into the throw pillows you didn’t need but couldn’t resist.

And let’s not kid ourselves—Girl Math is far from empowering. It’s the reason our closets are bursting with clothes we’ll never wear, our homes are stuffed with decor that doesn’t spark joy, and our wallets are screaming for help.

Is it empowering to spend yourself into stress because some devil on your shoulder convinced you that a second pair of nearly identical boots was an investment? Is it really freedom to trick yourself into thinking an $8 latte is “basically free” because you didn’t spend money yesterday?

No. Let’s stop pretending. Girl Math isn’t cute. It isn’t clever.

Real empowerment? That’s in the kind of math that builds savings, creates stability, and doesn’t leave you drowning in regret. It’s in the ability to walk away from things you don’t need and feel good about it. All hot girls are financially knowledgable.

So, I’ve broken up with Girl Math. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. And let me tell you, there’s nothing more satisfying than looking at a bank statement that doesn’t make you wince—or realizing that you’ve stopped buying things to fill a void they were never going to fix.